Edwad Anthony Masen Cullen Idiot Renesmee Bella Stars Topaz Melting Pattison.
See, I have read the books. Case in point RIGHT. THERE.
If anyone attacks me, please, be logical. A 'pretty face' does not mean... anything... in determining character.
On we go.NUMBER ONE-
The array of characters in Twilight cater to Stephenie Meyer's fantasies. However, this does not make good writing, and it definitely shows.
The most prominent example, I believe, is in Eclipse, when Jacob and Edward are talking about their love for Bella and she is 'half asleep'. Now, call me critical, but this entire scene I could not believe because it was so ridiculous. Even going past the convenience of Bella being "half asleep" I have seriously read everything those two said in a Q&A with Stephenie Meyer. I am assuming that she loved what she was saying and thought the idea was so romantic that she just shoved it into her book.
Past that, I will give you concrete examples of the ridiculous dialogue that goes on in Twilight books:
"I thought I'd explained it clearly before. Bella, I can't live in a world where you don't exist." - New Moon, page 509.
" No! This is about my soul, isn't it? Carlisle told me about that, and I don't care, Edward, I don't care! You can have my soul. I don't want it without you- it's yours already!" - New Moon, page 69.NUMBER TWO-
The numerous references and comparisons to the two books Wuthering Heights and Romeo + Juliet... actually, doesn't she reference Jane Austen, as well?
Admittedly, I am not one that really likes 1800 books. They drag and are too complicated at points. I have never read either of these books. However, I do have a basic knowledge of both - I have researched Wuthering Heights, out of curiosity, and I have watched Romeo and Juliet.
I do think it's funny that Romeo and Juliet is referenced so damn much. This story is only like Romeo and Juliet in ONE WAY: They fall in love within ten scenes. No joke.
- I hate you,
- Let's talk for the first time
- Blood testing
- OH YOU BITCH YOU RAPED MY CHICK IN YOU MIND YOU PERV.
- We're in love now and playing question games.
- Meetin' the Cullens.
- EFF WE'RE GONNA DIE.
- Oh, wait, we're in love now. That's cool.
And then in New Moon Bella becomes COMATOSE? Are you kidding me? Some people get married for years on years and then divorce, how do you think they feel? They sure as hell aren't comatose.
As for Wuthering Heights, from what I saw it was a particularly disgusting novel to read about. It was falling in love, the girl dying, and then Heathcliff ruining the lives around everyone in revenge. Yeah, that's a good premise.NUMBER THREE-
You have to stick to your guns, Meyer.
I did research a little on the whole succubus thing in Breaking Dawn and how Edward could possibly impregnate Bella. There is a lot of detail into this (basically the succubus needs to have sex in order to get sperm, idk, if anyone seriously has a grievance about this I'll look it up) and in Breaking Dawn, Bella says that while she was researching Vampires she ran across Succubus.
No she didn't. I looked. She found Carlisle, and she found vampires. But she did not find the succubus, and Meyer, don't lie to someone who has all of the books. C'mon.NUMBER FOUR-
Edward's appearance really does piss me off.
I won't get into it much because I'm getting tired, but here's a list by some really sweet chick online:
Number of Pages in the Book: 498
The First Hint of a Plot that Is Not Bella and Edward's Romance: page 328
When the Plot Actually Arrives: page 372
Boys that Totally Love Bella (Including Edward Cullen): 5
Approximate Amount of Time Bella and Edward are Romantically Involved Before Bella Is Begging Edward to Turn Her into a Vampire so They Can Be Together Forever: Like, two weeks. Maybe three. The timeline's a bit fuzzy.
References to Edward's Beauty: 165Broken Down into the following categories -
The Number of Times...
- Face: 24 (Favorite adjectives: glorious, heavenly, seraphic)
- Voice: 20 (The voice of an archangel, donchaknow.)
- Eyes: 17
- Movement: 11
- Smile: 10
- Teeth: 8
- Muscles: 7
- Skin: 7 (Note: This only contains accounts of Edward's skin being beautiful. I didn't count references to it as "pale," "cold," or "white." If I had, this number would be about ten times larger.)
- Iron Strength or Limbs: 5
- Breath: 4 (EVEN HIS BREATH IS AMAZING.)
- Scent: 4
- Laughter: 3
- Handwriting: 2
- Chest: 2
- Driving Skills: 1
- Bella Is Clumsy or Makes a Reference to Her Clumsiness: 26
- Bella Sneers at Forks or Its Inhabitants: 22
- Bella is "Dazzled" or Rendered Speechless by Edward's Beauty or Touch: 17
- Edward Tells Bella to Stay Away from Him While Completely Contradicting Himself with His Behavior: 16
- Bella is Utterly Desolate at Edward's Absence: 12
- Edward and Bella Kiss: 8
- Bella's Hormones Get the Better of Her and She Attacks Edward, Almost Causing Him to Eat Her: 2 (She's not even allowed to kiss him back! Where's the fun in that?)
- Edward's Kiss Makes Bella Faint: 1
- Edward's Kiss Makes Bella's Heart Literally Stop: 1
- Bella Thinks She Isn't Good Enough for Edward: 6
- Edward Is Referred to As Godlike: 5 (Note: This number might be off, as I didn't start counting until three or four mentions in.)
- Edward Tells Bella She's Unnatural: 5
- Edward Sparkles: 3
- Bella is in Mortal Danger: 3
- Edward Saves Bella from Mortal Danger: 3
- Edward Stalks Bella, For Real: 2 (Note: One of these instances involves watching her sleep every night for, like, months.)
- Bella says "Holy Crow!": 2
- Bella and Edward Argue About Who Loves the Other Most: 1
- Edward's Inability to Read Bella's Mind is Explained: 0
If I was attracted to LJ posts, I would jump this one.NUMBER FIVE- BELLA IS THE WORST.
We have to hear the entire story in Bella's point of view, and that sucks. She is really whiny, selfish, self-centered, and ... ugggh.NUMBER SIX-
Let me elaborate: I am referring to those that call themselves Twihards, the ones that have posters and T-shirts and the soundtrack and squeal when they realize the movie was 200 days away when it was (I have to admit, NOW I am excited for the movie). I am referring to those that have fallen passionately in love with a fictional character, those that are obsessed with Meyer's less-than-perfect writing, those that cannot LISTEN TO REASON. Big one there.
I have gotten in arguments about Twilight. I tell the people: "Listen, I do like Twilight somewhat. It's a guilty pleasure. Easy book. But there are so many things wrong." And then I give them a summary of this list.
And they talk about how sexy he is? What?NUMBER SEVEN
- The books are really badly written.
I'm taking off of examples from others because I am so tired and I don't have time.
In Breaking Dawn, page 67: "He shuddered convulsingly".
(thanks person from Amazon.)He lay perfectly still in the grass, his shirt open over his sculpted, incandescent chest, his scintillating arms bare.
Stephenie, do you own a Thesaurus?
Yeah. You do.NUMBER EIGHT:
Jacob, who has loved Bella, FALLS IN LOVE WITH HER DAUGHTER.
Bella TEASES JACOB REPEATEDLY OVER THE COURSE OF THESE BOOKS.
HE BREAKS THE HEADBOARDS WHILE THEY'RE DOING IT.
SHE GETS PREGNANT.
SHE HAS NO FLAWS.
THE NAME RENESMEE.
THIS BOOK IS JUST SO RIDICULOUS I DO NOT KNOW WHAT I CAN DO ABOUT IT ANYMORE.
Now, you see, I was gonna do 10, but I am getting really tired. It's kind of late, and I haven't even watched Gossip Girl yet.
But, if you people are interested:
The best bashing of any book ever.
This is very random, but has anyone noticed the similarities between WOW and love?
Sex, actually, let me rephrase.
In WoW, you play and you're really into it. You meet some people, and some of them, after one quest, you let go. Some you stay in big groups with. Some you become close with. However, after a while you get bored of the game, and you quit for a while. Your friend/lover goes off and does other quests with other people. Then, after a couple of months, you get really into it again.
TELL ME I'M WRONG.